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The Lighter Side of... Taiwan

Hi everyone.
I'm still in Taipei, Taiwan. This trip was the first time I had ever been out of the US and so many things were new to me. Even thinking about the travel I wondered if when I got into the country -- Taiwan is owned by China -- were they going to search my bags or interrogate me or something? I landed when it was dark so I haven't seen much but I traveled in style to the hotel. A black, Mercedes limo picked me up, just a 4 door really, but nice. I'm not used to people opening car doors for me. Obviously they don't know my real character. "Yo buddy, where's the Grey Pupon?" Man, this is an upscale hotel. My room has wooden floors, plush curtains, fruit baskets...no wonder they greeted me at the airport with a Mercedes. At first I didn't think much about it. I thought it was more coincidence. Then, I started getting curious. When I step out of the shower, the center of the mirror isn't fogged. After thinking about it I figured the maid was putting something on the mirror but it was too consistent. It's always in the same square pattern. I finally figured it out! It's an electric mirror. The center of the mirror is a little warm and there's a zip cord running from the light to the mirror. Whoa, cool. I want one of those! Sorry, I guess I'm just easily amused.

Traffic 101 - I've heard about the anything goes driving in Taiwan. So far, it's nothing unusual...I've seen worse in New York City. Well…there was the guy who pulled on the shoulder of the highway to pass other cars. He must have driven two miles that way. Hell, when traffic is in your way, just make a new lane. There was an ambulance on the highway with its lights and siren blaring. From my observation people weren't trying very hard to get out of the way; he was just part of the traffic. As a matter of fact some cars were passing the ambulance.

The traffic here is pretty crazy from our point of view. It's amazing there aren't more accidents. Everything from buses to bicycles and pedestrians are in this coordinated chaos. The intrigue is the casual trust people have each other in such close quarters. A pedestrian was standing in the street, two feet from the curb, waiting for a break in traffic in order to cross. We're clipping along about 25-30 mph weaving through traffic and pass the pedestrian within a foot. We're so close I could have reached out the window and smacked her up side the head. The driver knew she wasn't going to step out. The pedestrian knew she wasn't going to get hit. You or I would have said it was a close call. I watch buses tailgate motor scooters. Even the dogs know how to negotiate traffic. They seem to know when to step out of the way or when not to move.

Things do happen though. My first day collecting data we had a hired driver and his VW minivan. We're on a narrow road and pass another mini van going in the opposite direction. Both are going about 20 mph. We pass so close, the side mirrors clip and shatter. I'm thinking to myself, I'm going to have to get out of the car and defend my driver so I unbuckle my seatbelt to get ready. Each van grinds to a halt. Our driver rolls down his window to check the damage. The mirror is now hanging down by the door. He reaches out the window and attempts to bend the mirror back into place. I look over my shoulder to see the other driver doing the same thing. Then, almost on cue both drivers roll up their windows and continue on their way. The total time between hitting mirrors and when we were rolling again was about 20 seconds. I don't think either driver actually looked back to the other car after hitting.

Road Conditions - Drive testing er...mobile data collection (to be company correct) is like sitting in a rowboat during a storm. My notes are hard to read because of the bouncing around while I write. Partly because of the roads. All of the roads are uneven. I don't care if it's a major highway. Somebody has got to teach the road crew how to level a road before paving. The other part is the driver. Our new driver is quite aggressive and not real graceful with the brakes. You've heard of creative financing? Well this guy does creative driving. If you need to take a right turn but your stuck behind a line of traffic at a light, just cross over into the lane of oncoming traffic, pass all the cars blocking you, then make the right turn in the middle of the intersection. Rules? We don't need no stinkin' rules!

Ah-ha! - I think I know the real reason why I was sent on this trip. No one else knows how to use chop sticks at my company. Once you're out of the hotel a knife and fork don't exist. The only thing I've had to learn is the shovel method of eating. Holding the bowl or spoon up to your lips and pushing the rice into your mouth with the chop sticks as fast as you can. Miss Manners would have a heart attack in this town. I love it.

Food - It has been an adventure. I'm trying everything. No not dog…yet. Dog is more for medicinal use. People eat it to prevent colds therefore it is more expensive and less common. But if I find some, what the heck, I'll probably give it a try. The Tea Egg is good...an egg hard boiled in tea. It comes out in an ugly brown color but tastes better than a regular hard boiled one. Everything tastes so different it's a bit of a shock to the system. I really think travelers don't get sick from the water, instead it's the difference in the food. The only thing I really don't like so far is the soya bean drink. It's made from ground up yellow bean and some sweetener. It has kind of a milky look and texture.

The Markets - If you're sensitive about how food is handled then the street side vendors are not for you. They lay out the bread to make your sandwich on the same counter the money is put on. Food is often sitting out in the open. Of course, there are flies. A co-worker and I went to the night market. It's a zoo. There are areas of food stalls and shopping. At the stalls the owners yell out to the people walking by trying to bring customers in. I obviously don't understand what they're saying but in New Yorkese I'm sure it sounds like, "Yo, yo buddy! Here's your seat right here. Whaddaya gonna eat. We got fish, we got pork, we got squid, we got..."

Taiwanese have a talent for cramming 10 gallons into a 5 gallon bucket. There's hardly any room to move around in the stores and stalls. An automotive tire store fits in a 15 x 15 store front. You drive right into the shop on to the ramps and he'll change your tires.

They've got Hooters in Taiwan! - Now that I have your attention, they just opened a Hooters restaurant in Taipei. My co-worker and I got stuffed full of burgers and wings. Inside, the restaurant looked just like any other Hooters in the US, just different personnel --they're a little smaller -- and different clientele. Nice scenery but it's not the place for beer. A glass cost almost $5 USD(dollars) and a pitcher was $20 USD(dollars). I'll have water please.

Stares - Do I look funny or something? I get long looks from people around here. Not stares but curious looks. More so outside of Taipei city. It's not unusual to see Americans in advertising, TV, or on consumer products but it's very rare to see Americans or Europeans in public. I guess I'm a novelty for them. I don't mind though. For the fun of it, I look back at them as if they are funny looking. :-)

The Language - Usually when listening to, or reading, a foreign language for a while, you can start picking up some of the functional words -- I, you, we, the, a, and -- plus a few other common words. I've been in total immersion for two weeks and I'm still clueless. The only Mandarin characters I know are the ones used for Buddhism or vegetarian restaurants (because it looks like a reversed German Swastika) and the one for steam bath or hot spring (because it's looks like a hot tub with rising steam). Every once in a while I catch my name in a conversation. I'm trying to figure the other word they use with my name...sounds something like "sonnavabish". It must be some kind of term of endearment or respect...hmmmm?

I got me a chop. It's basically your name in Mandarin on a stamp. Instead of signing documents, some people use a name stamp or a chop. For English names they use Mandarin characters to represent the letters of the alphabet for your name. Kind of a hooked on Mandarin phonics. If someone is going to China, Taiwan, or anywhere Mandarin is spoke it's a good idea to have your name in Mandarin on your business card to help people pronounce it correctly. Actually, it's better to have the back of your business card in Mandarin but if you're only going to use a few cards it's not worth printing a whole batch. So, why isn't phonetic spelled "fonetick"?

Buildings - They will put ceramic tile on anything here. The exterior of some buildings are entirely tiled. I don't mean the two story kind either. I'm talking about the ones that are 10 to 15 stories high. With the pipes running up the outside of the walls it looks like an inside out bathroom. Some highway tunnels' walls and ceilings are completely tiled. Even roofs and highway exit ramps.

Music - I thought I was going to spend a month here listening to nothing but Chinese music. This hasn't been the case. The driver has the radio on all the time. I've heard Grover Washington, Bonnie Raithe, Old Stones, Clapton, 70s, 80s, and 90s pop and Chinese pop. All this on only two radio stations. It's kind of like the weather in Missouri, it you don't like it, wait 5 minutes and it will change. Half of the speaking is in English. Traffic and weather are given in both languages. They even give short English lessons. The funniest music I've heard is Mandarin rap, if you can imagine that.

Speaking of music...Taiwan has Garbage Music. The garbage trucks play music to let the people know it's coming. When the truck stops people walk up and throw in their trash. (I keep thinking of the Monty Python skit, "Bring out your dead!") There's a kind of dichotomy when a garbage truck in Taipei plays Fur Elise.

More for Ms. Manners - I've eaten with a couple upper managers. It is an intriguing demonstration of Chinese efficiency. By combining two simple tasks (talking and eating) much more gets done. Here's the scene; he puts piece of chicken in his mouth then immediately follows it up with a few scoops of rice, a conversation starts with a mouth full of food. Only problem is there's this one little stray grain of rice stuck to his bottom lip. I no longer hear what he's saying. I'm just watching that piece of rice to see how long it will hang on. I'm intrigued. No matter how fast he talks, that rice just stays glued to his lip. Meanwhile he conveys his knowledge between chews. My distraction is interrupted by an "Errrp!". Having relieved a little backpressure, he leans over to within 6" of the plate, spits out a small bone, then swallows. I know he's about to talk again....he just grabbed another piece of chicken. What's even funnier is that this event is nothing unusual. In spite of this there is proper etiquette when using toothpicks. Most restaurants have toothpicks available. You're supposed to use one hand to hold the pick and "dig". The other hand should be held over your mouth to cover it (an act that really does more to attract attention than divert it).

There are many things in the Taiwanese culture based on the Buddhist and Tao religion. Some residences have a mirror mounted out front as a way of observing ghost week to honor those who had untimely deaths. Often people set cans out in front of their businesses where they burn fake money for the dead. There are many temples burning incense and many that have food placed out. I noticed that on many roofs of the small buildings and shacks car tires are neatly placed in a grid pattern. This intrigued me as to the religious significance because there are many examples of it. Some larger roofs would have a hundred or so spread out across their expanse. That must be a deeply religious person or deeply troubled and they need to display some kind of repentance, I'm thinking. So, I finally asked what the tires meant. I'm assuming it is some carryover from the wagon day when the wheel represented the "cycle of life"...I was informed that the tires hold down the roof during windstorms. So much for hoping for something more mystical.

Dumb crook(s) news - Recently there was a armored car heist in Taipei. Some guy who used to work for the armored car company held up two guards and got away with 5 million NT$ (1.6M USD). There was some suspicion of the two guards who were working at the time since they are armored car guards, i.e., they wear flack jackets, helmets, and carry semi-auto pistols and tonfas (K12). The authorities understandably suspect the guards because the robber who held them up only had a knife.

Clothes - American t-shirts are very popular around here. In fact if someone is wearing a shirt with a slogan or company printed on it, 90% of the time it's American. It's a fashion/style thing. I've seen state colleges, rock bands, pro football & basketball teams, and all kinds of sports clothing companies. One of the most popular is "Hang Ten". I see the stores and t-shirts everywhere. This is supposed to be the original company which, I think, is now 30 years old. It's a great example of the far reaches of American culture because Taiwanese have absolutely no idea what "Hang Ten" means.

~Evan Scott